Picking up the Pieces after a Messy Divorce

Yet, it does provide him/her with something to do in the form of hectic litigation, which may keep him/her busy for some time. If you have been of late embroiled in divorce litigations and have recently emerged from it, chances are that it is just the beginning of your problems. You situation is like that of a warrior, who forgot everything in the heat of action, to be suddenly aware of his festering wounds, just when he thought that the battle is finally over. All the feverish litigation, court room appearances and appointments with lawyers often gives a person the feeling of being occupied and provides him/her with a sense of purpose and direction, at least while the litigation lasts. Once the divorce procedure is over, all the court room warfare seems to be a piece of cake, compared to the challenges you have to face in your personal life. People are creatures of habit and a divorce represents the end of a life of which you were used to, if not happy with. Yet, it also declares the beginning of a new life, right from the scratch. The challenges you may have to face after your divorce are:

Emotional

No matter what you say or think, it is a reality that so long you were attached to your spouse through a series of bonds, expectations, habits and dependencies. A divorce may leave you with an acute feeling of rejection and hurt. You may experience a sense of void and emptiness and may get cynical and pessimistic. You will have to prevail over this painful situation and detoxify yourself of all the emotional venom, comprising of hatred, ill will, animosity, guilt and anxiety. It is necessary that you find a new centre of balance, devoid of all the dependencies on your ex spouse. Try to overcome your frayed emotions and develop a realistic attitude towards your marital life and ex spouse. Divorce may leave you with a brutally battered self esteem, which may urgently be in need of resuscitation. Surround yourself with an understanding support group, comprising of friends and well wishers. Do everything possible to distract you of this seemingly hopeless situation and develop a positive outlook towards future. You may try, participating in some social activity or voluntary service. Helping others may help you get over your own grief. Give yourself ample time and space to heal. Whatever you are feeling is perfectly normal and is transitory.

Physical

Body mind and soul do not exist in isolation. Your suppressed emotions may express themselves in the form of psychosomatic disorders. Occasionally you may feel depressed or anxious. Remember, whatever you are going through is perfectly natural. After all you are mourning the death of a relationship. This is the time when you need to look after yourself. Take care of your diet and participate in health and fitness activities. You may join some gym or sports club. You may also opt for some hobby classes. Avail yourself of all the opportunities for self expression like writing a diary or socializing with your friends and colleagues. The basic underlying principle is to distract yourself from your painful past and realizing your self worth and talent by indulging in constructive and engrossing activities. As any adult person, occasionally you may crave for sex, not only in its physical aspects, but also in its emotional dimensions. Try to make new friends. You may avail yourself of the post divorce dating facilities offered by many organizations. However, do not jump into a second marriage, driven by your sense of isolation and desperation. Take your time and try to learn from your past experiences.

Practical

Whether you like it or not, a divorce will seriously alter your financial status. You will no longer have any pecuniary support from your ex spouse, except the one decreed by the court. If you are educated or have some skills, try to find a job for yourself. It will not only alleviate your confidence, but will make you a financially independent person. Try to improve your career prospects by joining relevant academic or professional courses. Now is the time to fulfill your long cherished dreams. If you have children, single parenting will certainly be a challenge for you. No matter what you are going through, you will have to spare time and energy for your kids. May sound difficult, it will be good for your children, if you somehow establish a workable co-parenting relationship with your ex-spouse.

Do keep in mind that attitude is always more important than facts. With a positive attitude and an optimistic outlook, you will not only surmount your personal problems, but will go a long way in other spheres of your life.